


Who is Merlin Emrys

by MariFrost



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Drinking, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Music, Other, Self-Harm, Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-01-16 08:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18517708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MariFrost/pseuds/MariFrost
Summary: Years in the future the Arthur and the knights are back. Though they're adjusting nicely they're discovering Merlin is still keeping things from them. Who even knew their Merlin could sing? But now they're left asking... Who even is Merlin anymore?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Keep an eye out here, I'll give any specific warnings for chapters as needed.
> 
> This is a Merlin songfic I wrote, I’ve heard this song a few times and it always makes me think of Merlin and Arthur when I hear it so I had to write something based around it. I hope you guys enjoy and if you some other songs let me know and I’ll see what I can do!
> 
> Song- King and Lionheart by: Of Monsters and Men**** Link- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A76a_LNIYwE
> 
> As always I sadly own nothing. If I did Merlin and Arthur would be living happily together in Camelot. But alas it cannot be. Sooo this is the next best thing.

Merlin knew this was a bad idea, and he had no idea how he let them convince him otherwise. Sure since Arthur and the knights had come back they had adapted rather well to the new world they were thrown into a year ago. Merlin however had been very careful to keep them away from this part of his life. Sadly all things must come to an end.

Merlin walked from his bedroom toward the living room where everyone else had already gathered. As he stepped in he saw six sets of eyes immediately look at him in question. He held a hand up before they could speak, slinging his guitar onto his shoulder. “I agreed to bring you along to stop the begging. But first I’m laying down some ground rules. Rule one; we aren’t talking about my clothes.” He said gesturing to himself. While he had to admit it must be weird for them to see him in skinny jeans and leather, he did have an image. “Rule two; while I’m not saying you can’t talk, just be careful. I really don’t want to move because someone said something they shouldn’t.” He looked them all over watching for their accepting looks. “And finally rule three; how this goes tonight will decide if I ever let you come to a show again. Keep that in mind.”

Once Merlin received mumbled agreements from the knights, and a scoff of disapproval from Arthur he was ready to go. He grabbed his keys and they started out the door and to his van. On the way there he felt Gwaine wrap an arm around his shoulders. “Now mate, I know you said not to ask about the clothes, but I have to know… Can I get some pants like that?” He asked laughing softly. 

Merlin pushed him off with a snort and shook his head. “Get in the van Gwaine.” He said rolling his eyes with a fond smile. The drive to the club was a quite one, but Merlin had expected this, knowing they were all trying to figure out exactly what they were going to see from Merlin today.

When they pulled up behind the back of the club Merlin climbed out first and grabbed his guitar, but before he could turn around and say anything to the knights he was practically tackled to the ground. The knights all rushed forward to help, but they stopped short at the familiar laugh that bubbled out. Merlin wrapped his arms around his “attacker” pulling him into a tight hug. 

“Alex… It’s been to long mate.” Merlin said with a wide smile as he pulled back to look the man over. He was about a head taller than Merlin, but his build was about the same. He had short brown and a large doping smile. 

“Merls, I’ve been good. James in the green room, we’re both ready for the show. What about you, still fit your little arse into your skinnies?” Alex teased good naturedly. 

“I don’t know why don’t you take a look?” Merlin teased shoving Alex before wrapping his arm around him and turning to the knights. “Guys this is Alex, he’s one of my mates. Alex these are the knights; Gwaine, Percival, Leon, Lancelot, Elyan, and of course Arthur.” He said motioning to each of them in turn, and while the knights all looked shocked, Alex just smiled. 

“Nice to finally meet you, Merl used to get drunk and rambled bout you lot for hours. It was good to see him light up when you returned.” He turned back to Merlin and ruffled his hair, “You take care of them I’ll see you in there.” He said before bounding through the door. 

“How did he know about us Merlin?” Arthur asked while folding his arms. The other nodded in agreement wanting answers. 

“They’ve been my mates for ten years. I wasn’t going to keep this from them.” Merlin ran a hand through his hair. “I owe them my life, and they’ve accepted me both the good and the bad. They’re good men.” He said firmly before looking at them. “Let’s go.”

*****Line break*****

Arthur stood against the bar with his arms folded; he scanned the crowd before looking at the knights who were left out here with him. “I don’t know if I trust these men to know our secrets. What if something goes wrong?” He questioned, loud enough for only his men to hear.

“I trust Merlin, and if he trusts them that’s enough for me.” Lancelot said firmly, Gwaine quickly voicing his agreement on the matter. “Merlin has always been a good judge of character, I can’t imagine that changing.”

“But why hasn’t he told us of them?” Leon brought up. “If they’re important enough to know of us; why didn’t we know of them?” He questioned, shrugging when Arthur motioned his approval.

“He did say they saved him. Maybe he still has secrets from us.” Elyan offered looking at the other faces around him. “He was alone for a long time, we can’t expect everything to be perfect, even around a year.” He reminded patiently.

“Well I for one am going to be having a long talk with him about this.” Arthur said firmly, his next statement being cut off when a woman came onto stage.

“Alright now’s the time you’ve all been waiting for! Everyone please put your hands together for the local favorite Dragon Knights!” The woman stepped off the stage as the people in the club started cheering. 

The knights watched the stage intently as three men stepped out, all wearing similar clothes, but one very family face was wearing a Camelot red vest.

Merlin grabbed the mike a charming smile gracing his features. “How’s everyone doing tonight?” He asked chuckling at the cheers that greeted him. “Most of you already know us but for those who don’t, we are Dragon Knights, I am Emrys lead singer and rhythm guitarist. To my left is Dante, back up vocals and lead guitar. And behind us is Druid, he’s our drummer. I’d ask for introductions from you… But I think you’d rather hear us play.” He said smirking.

“We’re going to start off with a fan favorite, so if you know it… Sing along.” Merlin started tapping his foot slowly before Dante started playing. 

"Taking over this town, they should worry,  
But these problems aside I think I taught you well.  
That we won't run, and we won't run, and we won't run.

And in the winter night sky ships are sailing,  
Looking down on these bright blue city lights.  
And they won't wait, and they won't wait, and they won't wait.  
We're here to stay, we're here to stay, we're here to stay."

The knights stared in shock, they had expected quite a few things, but even know none of them knew Merlin could actually sing. 

"Howling ghost they reappear  
In mountains that are stacked with fear  
But you're a king and I'm a lion-heart.  
A lion-heart."

Merlin’s eyes scanned the crowd until his eyes landed on the knights. But they only lingered for a moment before he locked gazes with Arthur. A small genuine smile graced his face and suddenly the knights knew just why he was singing this. 

"His crown lid up the way as we moved slowly  
Pass the wondering eyes of the ones that were left behind.  
Though far away, though far away, though far away  
We're still the same, we're still the same, we're still the same"

Merlin tore his eyes away to address the audience again, he moved across the stage bringing it over to Dante so the male could sing with him. 

"Howling ghost they reappear  
In mountains that are stacked with fear  
But you're a king and I'm a lion-heart.  
And in the sea that's painted black,  
Creatures lurk below the deck  
But you're a king and I'm a lion-heart.  
And as the world comes to an end  
I'll be here to hold your hand  
'Cause you're my king and I'm your lion-heart."

The music slowed and the lights dimmed. Once more Merlin eyes locked with Arthurs.

"A lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart  
A lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart"

Merlin’s eyes stayed locked this time, and an all too familiar smile graced his features as the light surrounded them again. 

"Howling ghost they reappear  
In mountains that are stacked with fear  
But you're a king and I'm a lion-heart.  
And in the sea that's painted black,  
Creatures lurk below the deck  
But you're a king and I'm a lion-heart.  
A lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart  
A lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart, a lion-heart."

The lights dimmed once more, completely blacking out the stage as the cheers started from the crowd. But as Merlin listen he could hear the very distinct sounds of his friends as they clapped, whistled and yelled. And he decided that maybe, just maybe, they could come back for another show.


	2. Secrets Spilled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and the knights find out some of Merlin's story while they were dead. They don't like what they hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back!! So I decided to use two songs for this chapter, mainly because I feel one song a chapter would get pretty boring. But if you have any songs that make you think of Merlin or the knights let me know! I’ll give it a listen and work with it if I can.   
> WARNINGS- Please know this chapter covers more serious topics such as drugs and suicide, it is mildly graphic, please be careful reading if those are triggers.  
> Songs  
> Pompeii- Bastille https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F90Cw4l-8NY  
> Viva La Vida- Coldplay https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvgZkm1xWPE
> 
> As usual I own nothing but the idea. Enjoy!

They were staring at him. Well a lot of people were staring at him, but the looks that the knights and Arthur were giving him as his set continued started to put him on edge. He gently shook the thoughts from his head as he focused on the feel of the strings against his fingers.  He glanced behind him at James who was tapping his foot along to the rhythm, and then he turned to Alex whose eyes were closed as he strummed his part of the song. Merlin felt his own eyes close as he melted into the final verse of the song.

Deafening cheers caused him to open his eyes again as the last note faded into silence from the band. Merlin laughed happily as he scanned the crowd with a wide smile. “As always you guys are an amazing audience! We have one more song to play then we’re going to take a short break. I hope you enjoy.”

He tapped his foot three times as he heard Alex strumming his guitar. He smiled softly and took a deep breath as he looked back to the group.

_“_ _I used to rule the world_  
Seas would rise when I gave the word  
Now in the morning, I sleep alone  
Sweep the streets I used to own

_I used to roll the dice_  
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes  
Listen as the crowd would sing  
Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!”

His eyes locked with Arthurs once more and his smile saddened a bit. He remembered Arthur’s coronation like it was yesterday, even though it was so long ago. The knights were all looking at Arthur as well, varying degrees of fondness and sadness shadowing their faces.

_“One minute I held the key_ __  
Next the walls were closed on me  
And I discovered that my castles stand  
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand”

Almost immediately multiple pairs of eyes flipped back onto Merlin. None of them could imagine what he went through all those years alone. The only eyes that never wavered were Arthur’s. Merlin was his best friend, and when he sang like this, with his whole heart on his sleeve. Arthur’s heart… It broke for him.

_“_ _I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing_  
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing  
Be my mirror, my sword and shield  
My missionaries in a foreign field  
For some reason I can't explain  
Once you go there was never, never a honest word  
And that was when I ruled the world”

Merlin’s eyes had closed once more as he sang the chorus, his mind flashing back to Camelot and the memories he held onto. He saw the lies he told and the friends he lost. Even when he opened his eyes again and saw the people who had returned, he remembered why he wrote the song.

_“It was a wicked and wild wind_  
Blew down the doors to let me in  
Shattered windows and the sound of drums  
People couldn't believe what I'd become

_Revolutionaries wait_  
For my head on a silver plate  
Just a puppet on a lonely string  
Oh, who would ever want to be king?”

He ripped his eyes away from Arthur at that moment, a small shrug slipping from his body with the last line. He pulled the microphone from the stand and jumped from the stage into the crowd, walking along and letting fans sing from time to time.

_“I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing_ __  
Roman Calvary choirs are singing  
Be my mirror, my sword and shield  
My missionaries in a foreign field  
For some reason I can't explain  
I know Saint Peter won't call my name  
Never an honest word  
But that was when I ruled the world.”

He jumped onto a table setting the microphone down as he encouraged everyone to help with the next part of the song. He nodded to the band as they started clapping the rhythm and singing with him.

_“Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.”_

Using the tables Merlin quickly made his way back to the stage, grabbing his guitar for the last of the song.

_“I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing_ __  
Roman Calvary choirs are singing  
Be my mirror, my sword and shield  
My missionaries in a foreign field  
For some reason I can't explain  
I know Saint Peter won't call my name  
Never an honest word  
But that was when I ruled the world!”

The band bowed as they finished out the song. “Thank you, thank you very much!” Merlin said over the applause as he ran a hand through his hair. “Now make sure you stick around, tip your waitress, and have a drink. We’ll be back for the second half in thirty minutes!”  
  
Merlin led the group off the stage, noticing Arthur leading the knights backstage as he walked. He sighed softly and shook his head, wondering what they were going to have to say. He felt an arm wrap around his waist and glanced up to smile at James. The man kissed Merlin on the forehead and squeezed the man tightly for a second before they continued to walk though he didn’t let go.

Alex moved ahead of them, fake gagging before singing childishly. “Merls and Jamie sitting in a tree!” As soon as he began to laugh, Merlin and James joined him. Their friend may be an idiot but his laughter was contagious. They reached the green room the same moment Arthur and the knights did.

Merlin smiled softly and motioned them inside. “Come on in, we can talk in here.” He said letting the others step in before he followed suit behind them, closing the door tightly once he was through. “Alright I saw the looks, speak your piece.” Merlin held up his hand as most of the knights started talking at once. “One at a time, Gwaine you start.” He said as he poured himself a drink before sitting between Alex and James so he could face his old friends.

Gwaine smirked softly at the others in the room before looking at Merlin and asking in a very serious tone. “Merlin… Why did you never tell us you could sing?” He asked raising a brow. Arthur and the other knights looked at him incredulously, unable to believe that with everything that happened that’s what he chose to ask.

Merlin on the other hand looked shocked for a moment before he started laughing. “I uh…” He snorted softly and took a drink before clearing his throat. “Singing is something I picked up after Camelot. However with all the time I was called a girl’s petticoat, can you blame me?” He asked teasingly. When Gwaine nodded with understanding Merlin turned to another knight. “Alright Percival any questions?” He moved on quickly when the large man shook his head gently. “Lance?” He questioned calmly.

“Are you happy?” The knight asked calmly. “Are you truly happy? Not Camelot happy, not around us happy; are you truly, honestly happy?” He inquired leaning forward slightly to study his friends face.

Merlin was quiet this time, no smiling, or laughing. He stood up and made his way over a table and poured himself another drink after downing the one in his hand. “I suppose that depends.” He said finally, taking another moment before turning around and looking over the knights. “At certain times, yes, but other times no.” He responded with a small shrug. “At times I feel like I’m on a cloud, nothing bad has ever touched me. Then again, sometimes I feel like someone has tied blocks to my ankles and threw me into the water with no chance to survive.” He ran a hand through his hair and let out a heavy sigh. He didn’t give a chance for anyone to speak before he moved on. “Elyan, it’s your turn.” He said with a nod.

Elyan stared at the warlock for a long moment before looking down. “You told us they saved your life. I want to know what you needed saving from.” He said calmly, his tone similar to how you would approach a wounded animal.

“Decided to come to me with the hard questions?” He said with a sad smile on his face. “They uh… They saved me from me.” He answered quietly, staring down at his once again empty glass. “You all must understand, it’s been over one thousand years for me, you admitted it felt like a matter of minutes.” He whispered his hand tightening around the glass. “Around one hundred years ago give or take; I came back out of hiding, as I usually do. It was so different this time; everything had changed since I was out before… At least it felt like it had.” He looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes as he took a long slow breath. “I was falling apart; it felt as though I was being torn apart from the inside out. In a way it was worse than being poisoned.” A humorless chuckle left his mouth.

He sniffled slightly and leaned back against the table. “I did what I felt I had to do in order to survive, which was anything that made me feel alive. I took drunks, I got drunk, I had sex, and sometimes it worked, I felt human and whole. But then it wasn’t enough anymore.” He pushed himself off the table so he could go stare out the window. “I had been alone for so long without getting close to anyone out of fear. But somehow, I met these two idiots on the couch across from you.” Merlin actually smiled this time. “And something changed inside of me.” He admitted as he looked toward the group again. “But they hadn’t saved me yet.”

He sat on the window sill so he could gaze at the people gathered in the room. “It was on the anniversary of the fall of Camelot, suddenly everything was just too much.” His hand brushed against his arm slightly. “First you must understand something, while I am immortal, I can still die. I don’t age, and I don’t get sick, not easily at least.” He said gently before locking eyes with Arthur. “But I can die… poison, or a fatal blow can still kill me. And I tried to die that night; I tried to take my own life to be exact.” There were varying responses from the knights at that, some looked angry or scared, some look like they’re going to be sick. But Merlin pressed on he had to. “I overdosed first, I didn’t know how it felt to die, and I was a coward I didn’t want to feel it.” He admitted his gaze getting a little glassy as he gazed past them. “Then I slit my wrists, I knew where and how deep for what I wanted. I was almost unconscious when James found me, he called an ambulance, and then he called Alex. They got me help, they kept me alive. I owe them my life.”

Merlin stood up and walked over to Alex and James. “They stayed with me while I with drawled from the drugs, and they helped me when I relapsed. So I told them the truth, and they helped me through the nightmares and the fear. They helped me remember how to live again. They reminded me I wasn’t a monster, and I was worthy of love and friendship.” He smiled softly at Alex before brushing his lips against James’s forehead. “And they will be a part of my life as long as they’ll have me.” He whispered before turning to the knights and Arthur. “Leon, now it’s your turn.”

Before Leon could speak Arthur was on his feet and walking over to Merlin, purpose in his stride. He grabbed Merlin roughly by the shoulders and held him there for a moment before embracing him tightly. “How could you keep this from us?” He whispered his voice cracking slightly. “Why didn’t you let us help you now? You could have let us in.” Arthur would never admit he cried as he held onto his friend, almost afraid he would melt away if the king let go.

Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur as well. “Because it was my own cross to bear, you all had enough to come to terms with, waking up in this world.” He whispered before pulling back slightly. “But I swear we will talk later… For now, the show must go on.” He walked to the door and let the knights and king leave first, and then he and the band walked back toward the stage.

Once Merlin had composed himself, he walked back onto the stage, relaxing at the sound of applause from the audience. He painted a grin onto his face. “Glad to see you all still here. Are you ready for the second half of the show?” He asked, waiting for the cheers of agreement to slow before he continued. “Alright, next up is a person favorite of mine titled Pompeii.”

_“_ _Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh_  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh

_Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh_  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh

_I was left to my own devices  
Many days fell away with nothing to show_

_And the walls kept tumbling down_  
In the city that we love  
Grey clouds roll over the hills  
Bringing darkness from above.”

Merlin easily felt himself getting lost in the song. This was a newer one he had written, since the others had come back. He would admit some things had change inside the group, but when they were around it was easier to remember a simpler time.

_“But if you close your eyes_  
Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?  
And if you close your eyes  
Does it almost feel like you've been here before?

_How am I gonna be an optimist about this?  
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?”_

Merlin hopped off the stage once more and walked around, dancing with the audience and plain having fun. He leaned against the bar gazing at the crowd as he began to sing once more.

_“We were caught up and lost in all of our vices  
In your pose as the dust settled around us_

_And the walls kept tumbling down_  
In the city that we love  
Great clouds roll over the hills  
Bringing darkness from above

_But if you close your eyes_  
Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?  
And if you close your eyes  
Does it almost feel like you've been here before?

_How am I gonna be an optimist about this?  
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?_

_Eh-oh, eh-oh_  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh”

Merlin walked to the knights with a soft smile on his face. He gave them each a gentle hug before he walked back to the stage singing a bit more somber on his face back.

_“Oh, where do we begin?_  
The rubble or our sins?  
Oh, oh, where do we begin?  
The rubble or our sins?”

It was quiet for just a moment before the beat picked back up and Merlin sang along.

_“And the walls kept tumbling down_  
In the city that we love  
Great clouds roll over the hills  
Bringing darkness from above

_But if you close your eyes_  
Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?  
And if you close your eyes  
Does it almost feel like you've been here before?

_How am I gonna be an optimist about this?  
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?_

_If you close your eyes  
Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?_

_Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh_  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh

_Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh_  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh  
Eh-eh-oh, eh-oh.”

The song faded out and the stage was covered in darkness as the crowd began to cheer. Merlin knew they still had a lot to discuss, but this was a start.


End file.
